


You are the only one who understand me

by Flochforster22



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29254050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flochforster22/pseuds/Flochforster22
Summary: So this fanfiction is basically a story about Jean's and Floch's developing feelings for each other. The story begins after the Shiganshina arc. That means that both of them went through a lot of pain. But one of them knows how it is to have friends and be appreciated. The other one is a lonely and misunderstood boy. Can Jean help Floch to process his trauma and to gain his trust. And how will their relationship influence Floch's action in the yeagerist arc?
Relationships: Floch Forster/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thank you for reading this fanfiction. I have to admit that the start is a bit weird. But I had the feeling that I need to add that part to this story. The next chapter will be probably better. By the way, this is my first fanfiction and English is not my native language so please be not too harsh with me. This Chapter is from Floch's Point of view which means that he has no clue how important Armin is. He doesn't know Armin.
> 
> I heard this song while writing the chapter and I think it fits the situation very well. Maybe you want to hear it while you read the chapter.  
> https://youtu.be/kqXnMoKVO9M

Floch Pov

The only thing I felt was the cold air blowing around my ears. The sweat ran down my forehead. My whole body hurt. I opened my eyes, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Everywhere was blood. The whole ground was covered in the blood of my comrades. I got up to look around. There were so many corpses on the floor that it felt surreal. And then I realized that it couldn't be real. I was relieved. It must all be a nightmare. I was so convinced that the corpses weren't real body's that I ran, quickly to the next corpse to find out that it was Marlowe’s body. The body was completely mutilated. And I had the feeling that I could never breathe properly again. Was nobody here anymore? I was so shocked that I ran to the next body just to see the face of Marlowe again. I ran and ran but it didn’t seem to end. My tears covered my face and I asked myself what even matters now. What could I change? I stumbled and fell to the ground. I didn't even bother to get up. I just sat there and cried my eyeballs out. I saw a Titan in the distance and the Titan was clearly on his way to my location.

But I just closed my eyes. I was breathing slowly in and out. And for one moment everything felt peaceful. Is this my end?  
What should I expect? My life was never meaningful.  
No one thought that my life matters. No one ever cared for me.  
Why didn't I die instead of Marlowe? He was such a nice and smart guy and besides that, he had...someone who cared for him. I could hear the Titan steps more and more clearly. But I totally blocked that out.  
Suddenly I felt an emotion that I never felt before. I couldn’t describe the feeling…You could maybe compare it to a sunset…you know it will be night soon but you are still overwhelmed by the sudden darkness. But In my case, the darkness was not the beautiful warm summer night. It was a lonely, cold, and bitter feeling.

I woke up drenched in sweat. "That can't be...It was all a dream hahaha" I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't be serious. I felt so weak and dumb.  
My laugh began slowly to change into a pained expression. It was the moment where I realized that I am the only survivor of a suicide charge. Everyone died and with them their hopes and dreams. I will never see them again Marlowe, Sandra, Gordon, and so many other people.  
I just sat in my bed without making any sound. I don’t know how long I just stared at the wall. But suddenly someone appeared in my room. “Floch didn’t you hear me. I called your name like 10th times. The funeral starts in 15 minutes.”  
I looked up just to see Jean's bright brown eyes. He looked at me with a pitying look and that really pissed me off. Jean must have realized that I was annoyed by him because he looked down and left my room without any other word. After Jean was gone I changed my clothes and walked into the kitchen to get myself an apple. That was the only thing I could probably eat now. I felt still sick because of my dream. 

What am I supposed to do? Why should we still fight? It has no purpose anymore. The only scouts which are left are Sasha, Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Levi, Hanji, and me. Besides that, we don’t have Erwin anymore. Our only hope is gone because of a group of childhood friends. It was so silly. I crushed the apple that I was holding. I feel like a dumb little child that doesn't get what it wants. But I am just thinking logically. What did Captain Levi though when he chose Armin? He thought absolutely emotionally and irrationally and because of that, we won’t have any chance to defeat these monsters. “Hurry up, it’s late”, screamed Hanji from another room.  
Shit, I didn’t have enough time to do made my hair. Well, it doesn’t matter now …


	2. The ceremonie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, here is already the new chapter. At first, thank you for reading my chapter. By the way, I would like to approach this fanfiction slowly, so not too hastily...  
> At the beginning of this chapter, I was referring to manga scenes a lot, but I think it's appropriate.  
> And yeah again I'm still improving my English so don't be too mad at me.  
> If something is wrong pls write it in the comments.  
> Thank you:)

Floch's Pov (at the funeral/ceremonie)

When I entered the ceremonial room, I stood next to Jean and the others. I wasn't in the mood to attend a funeral at all. I couldn't even understand why we should get a medal? We have nothing achieved it was all pointless. We have only suffered losses.  
Hey there, heroes of the walls, said a familiar voice.  
"So Hitch you came too", said Jean dejected.  
That must be the girl that Marlowe told about...  
"I wanted to see you guys get your medals because I played a small part in the coup d'etat myself and all that", said Hitch.  
"I see...Marlowe, he was brave to the very last second!", said Jean.

I couldn't stand people who try to gloss over the situation. And especially a situation like that.  
"Isn't that right Floch?", said Jean encouraging voice.  
"Yes even though Marlowe Freudenberg was only recently recruited to the survey corps as part of the emergency enlisting, just like me, he was still able to help unite us all. The survey corps was driven into a corner and faced certain annihilation. The situation seems hopeless. While everyone else was vulnerable and frightened, he alone kept encouraging and inspiring us. He was a great guy". "I know...that's probably why he'd never listened to me", was the only thing Hitch replied to me.

All of a sudden my whole memories came back. I saw everything clear in front of me. I could hear all those anxious screams. And could all see those bloody corpses. It felt like I was reliving it all

"But in the end...I'm sure he regretted ever going to that place"

Hitch was shocked by my words. I could see her pain and I immediately regret what I said. But at the same time, I thought that she needs to know the whole truth.  
Hitch turned around and only said, "Thanks guys If you mess up the ceremony it will be a good laugh."  
"Why the hell would you say something like that", said Jean angrily.

"But...someone needs to be honest about this whole thing". At that point, I couldn't hold my anger any longer.  
"I know you were desperate to safe Erwin...", said Armin.  
"That's right I thought Erwin was the right choice not you". What did that boy expect? Erwin was definitely the rational choice. Everyone thinks that.  
"But it's not just me, you know. It's everyone else too. Everyone who read that report thought...Why wasn't Erwin chosen?"  
"You don't know anything about Armin. Not a single thing!", said Eren with an attacking voice.  
"That's right I don't...I am not his childhood friend like you are, and we are not even particularly close. But I know why he was chosen...it's because of you two and captain Levi. The three of you let your feelings get the better of you, took the injection for your own means, and made an irrational choice. In short, you just couldn't get lost of someone important to you, could you?"

It is so pathetic I would like to use the injection for every fallen soldier in Shiganshina. They all deserve to live. But we should have rescued Erwin because he is the only one who could even make the plans to defeat these devils. We need a devil to defeat other devils. And that is what they don't want to understand

"I think it's the best if you shut up now, Floch", said Eren  
"Eren you are one of those people who believe deep inside of them they're always right. That's why you never give up. Just like some reasonable child."  
"Eren just let it go", said Mikasa calmy.  
I looked into Mikasa's eyes and just said "In that regard, Mikasa was the only grown-up in the situation because when push came to shove she gave up."  
Suddenly Jean gripped Eren's and my shoulder and said, "Hey, what gotten into you. Floch, we are about to hold a memorial service for our fallen comrades, you know", said Jean empathically  
"Yeah what done is done", said Connie approving  
"You people didn't oppose the senior staff, nor did you try to stop Eren and Mikasa. You just stood there and watched..."  
"What are these medals for? Who is this memorial service for? Can't you at least be honest with those who will take the place of the fallen? So other cowards like me won't make the mistake of enlisting to the survey corps, too!" On the day I joined the survey corps, I heard a speech from a veteran soldier. His speech made me believe that I could help to defeat the titans. Everyone there was so enthusiastic. I feel so dumb for actually believing that propaganda. If I had known what to expect I would never have joined the survey corps. And the worst thing is that all of my comrades died for no reason. We don't have Erwin anymore. Everything is just pointless without him. I took my chance to speak up and said, "What are we even going to do now that Erwin is gone. There will be no other choice but to sacrifice small fry like me in the battles to come. But don't that small fry at least have the right to be told, that's all their worth!?" Everyone looked at me with an avered look. Just Jean looked at me with a startled face. But suddenly Armin spoke up. "Floch is right. It's commander Erwin who should have lived. I'm not the one who can turn the situation around." Eren tried to convince Armin that he was the right choice. Eren talked about their dreams to make Armin feel better. After that conversation, the ceremony started and I felt so out of place. For what do we get medals...I just want to get away from here. But I know it's far too late for me now. Just too much happened and I know that I could never forget these things. But I know one thing...I will find my purpose and I will free our Island...and even when it means that it will cost everything. After the memorial, we went back to our headquarter. It was already time for diner but I still had no appetite. We all sat at the table as if nothing happened. But you could still feel the tension. That's why I sat a little apart from the others. I wasn't in the mood to talk to them and that's probably how the others felt too. After a moment of silence, Connie and Sasha start to make jokes as usual. The mood improved and everyone started talking. And again I felt out of place but it was nothing new for me because I always felt like that. It was so boring that I started to poking in my food. "Jean is everything alright", asked Sahsa concede but still silently. But I heard what she said. Out of reflex, I searched for the voice. The voice came from the other side of the table. I first looked at Sasha and then at Jean. And I could swear that he was looking at me just a moment before. But he already turned his head to Sasha. "Yeah, Sahsa everything is fine. I'm just tired, you know", said Jean with a calm voice.

After the diner, everyone went to their rooms. I wanted to sleep too but I was just too afraid of my dreams. That's why I craped my cape and went outwards. The air outside was pleasantly mild. I breathed in and out and for one moment I felt carefree. The sunset just started but you could already see those lights shines on the landscape.  
I sat on the ground and just watched nature. I was amazed at how the landscape looked. It was incredible. I always liked nature but I never really gave it attention. But my moment of being carefree shouldn't hold long. My mind already started to overthink everything again. Especially after this day...Why do they don't understand me? 

"Floch what are you doing here," said Jean in surprise  
Where does Jean come from?  
Before I could even answer he sat next to me. "I am just watching the sunset and you?" "I usually sit here too. Oh you don't mind if I sit here?", said Jean nicely "It's alright. I didn't want to stay that long anyway..." We both were silent for a few minutes. We were just looking at the landscape and the sunset. Jean screeched his hair and said, "I know you probably don't want to talk about it yet...but we know how you must feel now. The others were maybe selfish in your point of view but trust me Levi wouldn't have chosen Armin without thinking about it. Armin is a pretty good strategist. He may even be better than Erwin. Floch, I can just imagine how you must felt during the fight in Shiganshina. But you know I have lost so many people too. I usually don't talk about it but..."

"If you usually don't talk about it you shouldn't tell a stranger about it then." I realized how sharp my words were and looked fast to the other side. I really felt ashamed. Do I still wonder why I don't fit in...  
"Floch how are you supposed to make friends again If you don't talk properly. I know some part of you was always like this. I know you since our training with the 104th training corps and you always were some kind of a jerk but to be honest, I was a jerk too.", said Jean

Just as I was about to answer, Jean stood up and said, "Maybe we should continue our conversation tomorrow." 

I actually feel bad now. I shouldn't have said that...

"I am sorry Jean I just don't know how to act. You all are so familiar with each other. /> "The other survey corps members have known each other for years together. Give us and yourself time."  
Jean sat down next to me again and looked into my eyes. "Floch, can I ask you something?", said Jean calmly.  
" Yeah sure go on"  
Jean seems a bit in conflict with himself. He needed a moment before he started. 

"When I woke you up this morning...you seemed pretty disturbed. I know these look pretty well. I always looked like that when I had a nightmare about the death of my friend Marco. And these dreams are making me feel so sick. After those dreams, I can't eat and sleep properly. Just Connie, Sasha, and the others can make me feel happy after those dreams. If I would be alone I wouldn't be able to get through it. So When you have those dreams again just come to me and we can talk if you want to. I know I am like a stranger to you. I'm not even a super friendly guy but I know how you feel and I just can't let you be alone with those thoughts.".  
"You know I actually dreamed about the fight in Shiganshina and Marlowe. I have never felt so bad in my life. Everywhere was this cold feeling. And the worst were all those dead bodies. It felt so real for some reason. If someone would ask me how it felt I couldn't describe the feeling. You have to feel it on your own."

"I know what you mean when I have those nightmares I always compare them to the sunset...You know it will be night soon but you are still overwhelmed by the sudden darkness. But it's not a beautiful sunset like now. It feels like a dark, cold, and lonely place. And you are afraid that you will never see the light again", said Jean with his view to the horizon.

I was a bit shocked. I would describe it exactly like that. I thought I was the only one who feels such things. I looked at Jean and said, "I totally know what you mean. I thought I were the only one who had this feeling."

"No, you aren't. Just like I told you. We can all understand your feelings... But you know we should go back to our rooms. It's getting late".  
We both stood up and went back to our rooms.  
Before I opened my door I turned to Jean and said, "You're actually a pretty nice guy. You are no longer that arrogant jerk you were back then."

"I feel the same I would have never thought that I would have such a nice conversation with you Floch.", said Jean with a big smile on his face  
"And like I told you before if something is off with you, you can always come to me. And if I am not there someone else from us will listen to you. We are now a team. Don't forget that!"

"Heyyy Jeeaann where did you go? We searched you, said Sasha with her cranked voice. Behind her were Mikasa and Armin.

"I think I should go to sleep now. Thank you, Jean". Without any other word, I went into my room.  
I sighed and put my hand on my head.

I changed my clothes and laid on my bed. I thought about the conversation with Jean and smiled. Maybe some people understand me after all...  
I fell asleep quickly...but that was probably because I haven't slept in days.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, again :)  
> This chapter was really short but I promise that the next chapter will be longer. If you saw any misspellings feel free to write them in the comments. But please be nice, like I said before English is not my native language...See you hopefully next time!!


End file.
